How to Be "That Girl": The Worst Version of Yourself
Everyone’s striving to be "the best version of themselves"—it’s practically a cliché, like "just be yourself."
We’re told we should aim to be fit, wealthy, in fulfilling relationships, at peace with ourselves. They insist this is what we want: eternal youth, endless sex appeal, unceasing fame. But really? Is it? Nobody ever talks about embracing the worst in ourselves. Why? What's so wrong with exploring the darkness? If there wasn’t a Loki, there wouldn’t be a Thor—right?
One: Always Listen to What Others Tell You
There are billions of people on this planet, each with their own perspective. Remember, you’re like Jon Snow: you know nothing. So, defer to everyone’s opinions, no matter how conflicting. Try them all—see which ones wreak the most havoc on your psyche. Your intuition, your personal worldview? Meaningless. Unless, of course, you plan to rule the world and enforce your beliefs on everyone else. Remember, there is no diversity of thought; there’s one objective truth, and you need to find it.
Two: Neglect Yourself
An unhealthy body fuels anxiety and low self-worth—embrace it. When your body signals that it’s had enough (or not nearly enough), override those signals with brute force. Your worst enemy is intuition; let fear and fleeting pleasures guide you instead. Go to extremes—either full asceticism or hedonism. Starve yourself, binge, do drugs, drink, consume junk. If you decide on a “clean” diet, make sure to cultivate an air of superiority. Go full dictator on yourself.
Three: Avoid New Experiences
Why try anything new? Is what you have not enough, you spoiled little brat? Besides, you’ll fail anyway. You’re born into certain circumstances; it is what it is. Have you heard of predestination, you little moron? The world divides into the “haves” and “have-nots,” ruled by forces beyond you. Don’t read, don’t watch, don’t learn. And if you must, choose low-quality content.
Four: Listen to the Church, the Government, Your Parents (if you’re having trouble following everyone else’s advice)
There is one absolute truth, unchanging and eternal. The church, the government, your parents—they’ve been here longer than you. So, obviously, they know everything.
Five: Never Prioritize Yourself
Do what others expect of you, follow their lead. You know that saying about walking the well-trodden path, right? Override your intuition and body signals—they’re wrong; everyone else is right. Seek validation from the world; find your sense of worthlessness in others. Chase, don’t attract (harass if necessary!). Never sleep enough, but always make yourself available—let others bask in your lovely energy.
Six: It Is What It Is
Let’s return to the concept of predestination for a moment. Things don’t change, people don’t change, nothing changes. This world is static; our thoughts and feelings are fixed. Linger on every emotion as if it were the end of the world. Savor each moment of misery, indulge in your victimhood.
Seven: Blame Others for Everything
Take your anger out on those around you—they’re the reason your life is what it is. Blame, hurt, play games. You’re at war with the world. Everyone’s out to get you, each with a malicious intent. You’re on the dark side, and if you can’t get something with love, rule by fear. You have no real power, so never take responsibility. This makes sense, doesn’t it? Other people created this world; you’re just following orders.
Eight: Have Zero Compassion for Yourself
If following these rules is tough, that’s on you. Push harder, you little idiot. It’s all about sweat and tears. No pain, no gain. If you can’t vent your anger on others, it’s because you are the problem. Remember, existential despair is your best friend—dust you are, and to dust you shall return.
