Eye Roll, Tits Out, Bellini Sofas

I might as well end here because I’m tired. How many more times am I going to see a cute girl trying to be ugly and relatable, armed with an eye roll and a dead stare? The “look at me, I’m so messy” aesthetic. None of it is messy. None of it is real.

Not gonna lie—Addison Rae smoking a cigarette with her foot did get me to smile.

That level of absurdity earns its own applause. But the endless parade of Lily-Rose Depp imposters is killing me. It’s not cool to be pretty anymore, and if you’re cute, then God help you. What are you supposed to do with that? Roll your eyes harder? Take grittier toilet selfies? (Not bathroom mirror selfies. Literal toilet selfies. While you’re sitting there.)

The point, apparently, is to try as hard as possible to make it look like you’re not trying. And okay, I know I sound bitter. We all follow trends. We’re all guilty. Remember the Valencia filter from ten years ago? We wore that filter like a badge of honor.

The problem with trends is the rearview mirror: they always look worse on the way back. And no, I’m not bitter. I’m bored. I hate the lack of authenticity. It’s funny—in our desperate search for relatability and that old-school internet charm, we’re reaching for analog aesthetics but missing the point entirely. We took grainy photos back then because we had no other choice. Our cameras sucked. We posted entire Facebook albums from one party because Stories didn’t exist. We wanted to document who was there, what happened, and whether your face made it into the mix.

But now? Now we exploit analog ways for aesthetic points, and it’s boring. Which brings me to another point.

Tits. Asses. Nipples. Butt cracks.

I am neither shocked nor pleased. Why does every campaign need a naked model? We’ve seen it all before. I’ve become immune to nudity, which—let’s be honest—might be a good thing. A body is just a body. But where a naked campaign used to feel bold or innovative, now it’s just another yawn.

Every woman wants to reclaim her body online, claim her femininity, and flip off Instagram’s censors. And fine, I get it. But do you have anything more to say beyond your nipples? It was fun five years ago. Now it’s just tiresome.

And tights.

When Saint Laurent rolled them out this year, I thought, hell yeah. The next day, it was hell no. Suddenly, everyone was wearing sheer tights and pretending they were the only wardrobe piece that mattered. I get it. Anthony Vaccarello and his team presented something sleek, cool, and directional. But can’t we switch it up a little? Put your own spin on tights and hemlines. Miu Miu did it. Bianca Saunders did it. Saint Laurent nailed it. But copying it straight up? No.

If you claim to be a Model, Stylist, Content Creator, or Creative Director, for God’s sake, use your brain. (I say this lovingly. Promise.) Use your creativity to do something—anything—different. The world is already drowning in repetitive content.

Remember the Bellini sofa? First time I saw one, I fell in love. A few months later, I realized I’d been love-bombed. Now I’m love-sick. Everybody has a Bellini sofa. Gallery walls. Coffee table books they’ll never read. Curved furniture. Statement rugs with loud patterns. The Bellini sofa is the sheer tights of interior design.

Fashion-wise, we’ll get there too. You’ll be praying for people to cover up their asses.

Trends have cycles.

We’re not living in some utopia where trends disappear and everyone becomes wildly unique. Trendmakers create, and trend followers…follow. That’s just the way it is. What bothers me is the meaninglessness of it all. What does an eye roll mean anymore? What does sticking your tongue out mean? Are you buying something because it sparks joy? Or are you buying it because it’ll look good in a blurry, “candid” Instagram post? Will those items end up in a thrift store in three months? Will those books you’ve never read sit on your shelves until the day you die?

I’m veering dangerously close to philosophical territory here, but bear with me.

We all want to belong. It’s human nature. Trends are a way to communicate. But social media—once a place to connect—has become a place to perform.

We crave authenticity, so we mimic the past, but we’ve stripped it of its meaning. Without meaning, it’s just…empty.

And ultimately, all I wanted to say is this:

I hate the Bellini sofa.